A thing that I think happens a lot in comments and review sections is that people seem to get pulled along by the internal logic of their comment. Or maybe succumb to their own rhetoric to the point that it starts to mess with their ability to think clearly? For instance:
“The food was pretty terrible all together. Soggy chicharron, tough meat, greasy plantains, watery beans and poorly fried egg. Having one of those fails in this tipical Colombian dish is already a mistake. But having all those together can be (and was) a pretty terrifying “Bandeja Paisa” experience.” – Luis P
Like a fever dream. What I think happened here is that they started writing out the list of complaints and, moved by the list making, felt an overpowering, if irrational, urge to comment on it. Do they really need to explain that these are all bad things, or that the sum of these bad things is worse than a single bad thing standing alone? And “terrifying”? The effect is pretty insulting. It makes me not like them. It makes me want to get the Bandeja Paisa. I’m serious, I just ordered it. I’ll let you know how it was.
But this happens to me too. I start typing out all the venom, and my black, hard, little heart starts beating fast, and then reason is just thrown right out the boat, yeah? But it’s full steam ahead time now Jack, and before I know it I’m way out there, far from shore, but see I’m mad now, right? All worked up. And so fuck it. Fuck the fucking shore. I don’t need that shit. The shore is for goddamn piece of shit review writers on Seamless who don’t understand how to delete stupid goddamn obvious ass conclusions that do absolutely nothing but alienate the reader accomplishing fuck all but encouraging me to do the EXACT FUCKING THING you were attempting to persuade me against! You can keep the FUCKING SHORE!!! You can take that whole GODDAMN COASTLINE and shove it up your fucking shitty fucking ASS you lazy, ignorant piece of shit!!!! Take it GODDAMN IT!!!!!! I’m fucking DROWNING OUT HERE!!!!!!!
I suppose this could also be genius. Like maybe the restaurant just really wanted to push the Bandeja Paisa. So they created a fake account, then reviewed a few random places in the hood to add a sense of legitimacy. For the hardcore investigative types. I mean Serial’s given everyone that good detective fever, right? You gotta lock down the details if you’re going to pull shit like this off. It has to feel right. Maybe they wait a month or two, then write this review up where they insult the Bandeja Paisa, but also, very subtlety, the audience. The whole effect of which is, everybody is ordering the Bandeja Paisa. Since fuck that guy.
I may make a few calls. Anyone want to start a podcast where we try to get to the bottom of this thing!? I’m feeling pretty goddamn invested here!
But that may fade as I take a breath. Think about things for a minute, you know? Reflect.